Unlearning is very painful especially when you are
unlearning concepts about Life and Yourself. I have usually prided myself for
being different than the average person and truly believed in the concept of
uniqueness and our divine connection to a Higher Power. I still do but there
has been a paradigm shift taking place which is making me question the very
concept of uniqueness.
Over the many years of our existence, a lot of labels get
attached to us. Some are given to us by society and some we assume for
ourselves depending on our perceptions about ourselves. Those labels form a
major part of who we think we are, our self esteem and determines our
relationship with the world- inner and outer
Labeled? Terms and Conditions always apply!
I became aware of my first label at age 4 when my dad’s
friend lovingly called me ‘Daroga ji’ which is a hindi word for a police
inspector. I was outspoken, unfazed, super confident, charming and had an air
of self assurance and authority which was unusual for a girl and that too for
my family and that too for a 4 year old! I was different from my family. I read
that as special.
My birth chart and my personality traits reminded my grand mom
of a special divine providence. I may have been different. I read that as
special.
I was the only girl who could compete with boys at school
sports and who also pulled off decent grades. I was different than most girls.
I read that as special.
My family is a conformist. I am not. I am different. I read
that as special.
My family only has science graduates. I graduated in
Commerce. I am different. I read that as special.
My elders have been authority figures for many formidable
family and individual decisions. They didn’t have any authority over me. I was
different. I read that as special.
In a family of businessmen and service professionals, I
wanted to be a social worker and adopt monkhood. I was different. I read that
as special.
In an environment where people had regular ambitions of
family, work, kids and retirement, I was contemplating the meaning of life. I
was different. I read that as special.
A career test revealed I am a living dichotomy. I was
different. I read that as special.
I have a personality type which is the rarest of all types.
I was different. I read that as special.
How many times do we read being different as special and may
be even superior? I became a ready recipe for exploitation by my own mind and
other different people who openly claimed to be special. Their ideas fanned
mine and perpetuated this false notion. Who wants to be ordinary when you have
all the while been extraordinary?!
There is beauty in being simple.
For the longest time in my life, I have felt disconnected
from my fellow beings for being different (read special!) and suffered volatile
rise and steep falls in my self esteem. I have been termed complex, difficult
and sometimes even eccentric. All these labels created a false sense of self
and made me believe the illusion that I created and which the world fed. To think
of oneself as special takes away the connection with the world we live in.
The notion feeds the ego- a false sense of self.
When Life is making me strip off ALL these labels and see
myself as ME, it is surely painful but a wonderful blessing as well. It is
difficult to accept that ordinary is good. The world over exaggerates the worth
of complexities. To be able to grasp and solve them gives us an intellectual
and psychological high which sometimes makes us overlook simple things and
treat them as unimportant. Simple is powerful.
Being different is being unique…just like everyone else is. I
am Me. There are no rules to live by- only the ones I make for myself because I
know they work for me. Am I dumb? No. Am I a better person than you? Definitely
not! I have begun to hang up my judgmental boots and the weighing scale for I
now understand that there is no wisdom in figuring out life than it is in
living it. (Honestly, I have started to hate the word wisdom now! Are there
halos?? :P)
Is it easy? Trust me, it isn’t but who said Life would be easy? They just said it will be worth it!
Love and Light!
No comments:
Post a Comment