When your love has no takers...or you think there are no takers!

When someone is unable to appreciate the beauty of a marvelous landscape or a painting, it is not the fault of that scenery, the painting or their creator. It is the observer’s misfortune on lacking the awareness to appreciate something stellar and extraordinary.

The Sun which gives light and life gives burns too and yet the Sun is. It shines without reservations, without holding itself back- in its complete glory. It is up to us on how we receive its warmth and light.

Practically everything in Nature gives of itself freely and with complete abandon.

But why things change when it comes to being human? Life is about giving and receiving but when someone has SO much to give to the world and the world doesn’t even receive it properly leave alone appreciate it; how is it possible to not feel stifled and blocked?

Why it’s nearly impossible to give with complete abandon without holding oneself back? Nature gives and yet it doesn’t perturb the balance of giving and receiving; then why the same can’t hold for humanity? Why it makes practical sense to stop giving and moving on? To whom one gives love and light when there are no takers? Is one destined to feel foolish all life?

The Power of Words

Words are so powerful! I must have heard this many times over through pictures, presentations and personal experience. Words hurt; make the heart bleed or they uplift thereby healing it too. Today is a day I realize that I have been saying harsh and accusatory words to my loved ones out of my desperation to shake them up from their inertia. And every time I did that, I always wondered why didn't they respond to my suggestions and value it! Am I not saying the right thing? Am I not coming from a space of helping them see their pain and flaws?

Awareness dawned on me. Yes, I am. But the choice of words was incongruent with my noble intentions. Who am I to rock someone else’s world? How arrogant of me! I could say the same things gently. I could be more patient with their behavior. Wouldn’t that be a more loving and helpful approach? If I can’t be gentle with my words, it’s only prudent that I remain silent and let the other be. I hope I can forgive myself for my ignorance.

I seek your forgiveness in case my words no matter how noble the intention have ever hurt you. I am sorry.

A few years back, I began my journey of valuing the power of silence. Unknowingly, the more I valued silence the more unaware I became of my words. I thought that silence is powerful and all words are mere clutter and clutter is meant to be disregarded and discarded. How ignorant of me! I focused on what I am speaking but somewhere lost the awareness of how I am speaking them and their impact on other people. Life is coming full circle or so it seems. Its knocking me off and making me realize my ignorance. The knock offs are sometimes hard and painful but I would be truly fortunate if I can learn my lessons well. Till then, I guess life will keep whacking me! If I am a ‘laaton ki bhoot’ then so be it; I am not complaining J

Love Always!

I am- Main hoon!

Seems, the amateur poet in me springs to action only when I feel low and that little voice within nudges me to let go and march ahead. The following was written as part of my usual pep talk; this time with a lot of pain which ultimately reminded me it’s all transient, that my true nature is Divine. That no matter what, it’s this ‘I’ which was, is and will be there for each and everyone one of us; that our destiny lies ONLY in our hands. This is to invoke the true ‘I’ or ‘Main’ that is. Hope you like it!

Woh kya hai jo mila nahi?

Woh kya hai jo khoya hai?

Woh kya hai jo jaan ke bhi anjaana hai?

 ‘Main’ hoon.

Woh kya hai joh daba hua hai

Woh kya hai joh dara hua hai

Woh kya hai jo dard mein hai

‘Main’ hoon

Woh kya hai joh udna chahta hai

Woh kya hai joh khilna chahta hai

Woh kya hai joh behna chahta hai

‘Main’ hoon.

Woh kya hai jo Prem hai

Woh kya hai jo Khushi hai

Woh kya hai jo Shaanti hai

‘Main’ hoon

Woh kaun hai jo mujhmein hai

Woh kaun hai jo tujhmein hai

Woh kaun hai jo bas hai

‘Main’ hoon

Kaun ubarega use

Kaun savarega use

Kaun jagayega use?

‘Main’ hoon

With hope and Love!

Trip to Haridwar- A family outing turns into an unintended adventure…err…or a nightmare?

Well no, spending time with family wasn’t the nightmare(though it can be with a few eccentric uncles and aunts around :P), it was the journey back home. It was a trip which was an eclectic mix of emotions ranging from nostalgia and joy of reliving the best moments of childhood spent in the holy city from missing my grandmom who was the reason my family loves Haridwar so much. Whole two decades flashed past by when I saw my nephews playing around in the Ganges the way me and my cousins did. Even my one year old twin nieces totally loved the water despite being muddy and SO chilly! That was the beautiful part of the 2 day trip and all rest was a nightmare and whom do I thank for it?

The unruly, brains-out-of-the-body-and-gone-in-the-gutters fellow Indians, the gigantic piece of shit that our government is and harbinger of Nature’s bounty turned destructor- heavy rains.

The trip to Haridwar was marked by some 40 km long beautiful stretch of 3 highways and the moment you feel you can reach your destination an hour early and how atleast something is still okay in India…bam! You have a kilometer long queue at the toll plaza and that becomes a honking and my car-bangs-into-your-car nightmare because there is utter mismanagement at the plaza and my fellow Indians lack patience and civility to keep the lane discipline. The wait at toll eats away that hour I intended to save. The journey further changed from oh-wow-highway to no-road-highway. The government seems to sense my displeasure at the toll and thought of relieving me of any such formality by not bothering to make any further roads. That is the beauty of this country; you truly have two diverse sides to it. One moment your car speeds off at 120 km/hour and the other moment even 20km/hour feels like luxury!

The journey is further made spicy and my head hot with rage by my dear fellow Indians who try to shove their cars into the empty space of the opposite lane just as air restlessly rushes to fill the vacuum. The result- total traffic jam because there is no way the four lanes of car/bus/anything that moves on road from either side stuck head on can move further. After wishing a shoot at sight orders for such defaulters or praying for a General Dyer to incarnate in such situations and me personally willing to do the honours of locking the door and opening fire, such traffic sense numbs me and truly make me want to question those drivers on how they expect to go further when they COMPLETELY jam the other lane? I want to sue Tata Salt for not putting in enough iodine in its ‘desh ka namak’; the brains are no more!

And if this is not enough; you have HEAVY rains which everytime expose the weaknesses of our city drainage systems and once again makes the government appear naked. The fellow Indians and our government made sure that we cover the 24 kilometer stretch from Rishikesh to Haridwar in 6 hours 30 minutes! Now that I am home after a grueling drive of 17 hours which should have taken a mere 5 hours, I still bless my fate looking at how many people are stranded on roads, how many were drenched in rains, tired and hungry. Our traveler vehicle didn’t give up on us unlike many others’, our driver kept his cool and didn’t unnecessarily overtake unlike many others where buses were stuck in mud and the passengers stranded and angry, our supply of snacks no matter how unhealthy still kept our stomachs full, the kids with us weren’t troubled unlike some in other vehicles who would always be traumatized by this nightmare that had befallen over them.

I pray for people who are affected by the now-declared-floods in Uttarakhand and hope that the stranded travelers soon reach safely home. As for my dear city of Ganges, I shall see you soon but only after I release some of the portions of this nightmare! Till then, please remain a benign mother and not a furious one.

Love Always!

Chalo Hari ke dwar :)

A 10 degree fall in a single day in the middle of June in Delhi is nothing short of attaining Nirvana. I got up late this morning only to regret missing my exercise and such an awesome weather for company. One hour into office and I am yet to begin work; already had a cup of tea to celebrate the happy feeling that this weather has brought out.

On my way to office flows a river which is a tributary of the Holy Ganga. Ever since April, the flow of water in that river is so inviting that I feel like halting my car and diving right in! And if everything goes as planned, I might take the dip in the Ganges itself this Saturday at Haridwar :D

Hari-ki-Paudi

A family function after 16 years has brought this wonderful opportunity to have fun together at our family’s favourite destination- Haridwar. A lot of my friends have been surprised for such an unusual place for a favourite vacation but for me and my folks, its very special because a lot of them especially my generation has grown up visiting the ashram belonging to my grandmom’s guru and being pampered silly by her. The fact that it falls on the way to many hill stations and pilgrimages in the Himalayas has only added to the frequent visits.

I have been visiting that place since I was 4 years old, my first journey in a bus with poori and tinde ki sabzi (which I LOVE since then) for the travel. My favourite bunch of cousins and the jokes, the fun and the madness! The various dharamshaalas (lodges) we stayed in over the years, the dip in Ganga at Hari-ki-paudi (the most famous ghaat in town) at 3am with my granny pushing us to get up early. Her frantic calls for us to get out of the river because she was scared for her kids’ safety in that river flow.The chole bhature for breakfast after the dip followed by kadha hua doodh (brewed milk) followed by shopping for puffed rice and the reason for our existence- Aam papad! 

Haridwar since time immemorial has been Cousins+ Ganga+ Aam Papad. And after 16 years now, its going to be the same again with their kids as bonus treat!

I hope my granny would be happy somewhere up there seeing her kids revisiting their happy memories and creating new ones for the next generation. Thank you Amma for introducing the joys of being one with Nature and letting us have a ball with simple pleasures of Aam-papad :D

Love Always! 

                                                                                                                                                 

You hold me now...

Picture credit: KupaAs

The days of see-saw don’t seem to end

No, its not play but the often tiresome day

I know or so it seems that I do

The power and greatness will be back soon

Despite knowing this my mind throws up muck and confusion

Restless I become and get shrouded in dejection

Though I have come to understand these feelings better

They are just visitors which will slowly stop coming altogether

But till the time they are around

More than ever, Dear Lord, I seek Thy ground

Hold me, soothe me in your loving embrace

I promise to express my radiance and not hide my face

The skies guide me and the Earth awaits me too

Heaven on Earth is my mission and I’ll be a channel true

Forgive me when I slip off into my drama and forget the glory

You know I am trying my best to be part of the New Earth story

I give up my struggle and surrender to Thy will

For Love, Joy, Healing and Peace to make the Earth fulfilled.

Love Always!

Love and Peace galore- Bangalore!

(Now that I finally sat down to share something, technology bugs me and doesn't let me share some beautiful pictures I took during my stay in Bangalore. I just can’t write without mentioning the lovely trees of the place and hence I am borrowing some pictures from the web; would share mine when I understand the workings of my smart phone! :P )

This write up was long overdue but every time I intended to pen down my thoughts on how the city felt to me then, the feelings changed. In this stay, the longest ever here, I experienced every possible emotion I could. I came here at a time when I needed solace the most and did the place disappoint me at all? No, Sir! The city changed flavors and its treatment of me, according to my moods. Initially, I resisted the changes that the shift of my sister’s residence brought. It meant no thick trunked and beautifully branched out trees but a long and tedious commute to my favorite hangout places and lots of dirt and concrete of the new construction sites mushrooming around. This isn't ‘my’ Bangalore- I told my sister.  I missed the fine balance of glitz and serenity which I have always associated with this city. I can hardly believe that at one point I even wondered why I even came here in the first place!

Do you see the network of branches! Picture courtesy: ringsofsilverpv

Want more?

Look at the canopy!  It feels terrible to know that SO many of them were cut in the name of development. I would have gone bonkers had I seen this city twenty years back in all its glory! Picture courtesy: dustinfreeman.org

I saw the same lacuna here as in other cities and felt I lost my Bangalore forever. The city challenged my comfort zone when I started looking at it for professional reasons. It looked competitive, charged up with meaning and made me struggle. And why not; I was no longer looking to spend a vacation here. I realized that my perspective has shifted and the city reacted to this change. I found my work back home and it is then that I connected with my beloved city the way I love- a book in a café or a beautiful park in the mornings and evenings. I was back to my vacation mode and the city took me in its comforting embrace again. J In many ways, it is a city like any other but for me it has a distinct personality of its own. It lets me be, gives me time and space to clear my head and makes me grow as an individual. May be I love it more because I have wonderful people as my sister and mentor here.

I achieved what I had to during this stay and now that it is nearing its end, I have mixed feelings of melancholy on leaving this behind and excitement for the new life waiting for me when I go back. In the past few weeks, I had a peaceful closure to many things in my life and this city and its people have a big role to play in it. Closure it might be but I am not done with this city yet. J

Dear Bangalore, I hope and wish that from now on, you wouldn't receive me for clearing my head and seeking comfort but rather be delighted to meet a strong, sorted friend in me, visiting to share and give all that she has received.  

Bye for now; Love Always! J

P.S. I now have to dig out the positives of Delhi and its cousin cities; I am sure they aren't that bad!

Thank You!

As much as I usually crib about my life situations, it keeps dawning on me how easier certain things have been and how privileged I am to have them. I am bursting with gratitude towards things, big or small, people, situations who have knowingly or unknowingly made themselves available to shape up my life which I enjoy today.

• First and foremost, this platform which helps me express myself freely and the reason of it all- IPK. Thank you for coming into my life and letting me have an unusual experience of getting glued to, writing about and meeting wonderful people through you. You helped me navigate the most challenging phase of my life. Thank You.

• Thank you, all friends I made through PK wall. Each one of you in your unique, individual capacity has made me see life, people and myself in a different light. This process has been one of my biggest takeaways in recent times.

• Thank you, mom, especially my brother, my friends for giving me my space and patiently bearing with me through some of my worst behaviors.

• Thank you, Dad, for giving me a materially comfortable life that makes a lot of things easier to deal with.

• Thank you, Bangalore, for coming to my aid when I needed some peace and clarity the most.  (I’ll express my admiration and love in a more elaborate manner soon :D)

• I thank a certain Master for gliding into my life and messing me up so that I can know my innate strength while dealing with it. Peace out.

• I thank the lady who stole my purse a few days back; your actions undoubtedly not admirable, still gave me some very valuable insight into my life.

• I thank my erstwhile driving instructor for not teaching me the basics of the clutch pedal! Without you, I would never have been SO fearful of driving and would have had an easier life but that’s ok; an easy life wouldn’t have given me the opportunity to see my fears straight into its eyes. An advice though- don’t mess it up for someone else! Everyone doesn’t need to deal with your driving instructions. :P (Anyone want to learn driving? Enrol for Maruti Driving School...they are awesome; wish I had them before.)

• Thank you God for cushioning me ALL the time. You are all I need. 

• Lastly, I thank myself for choosing to bring changes, to hold onto optimism and faith in a time when it felt it has ceased to exist.

 Love Always! J

Is it time for India to get Modi-fied?

I finally saw Narendra Modi’s speech which he delivered in SRCC, New Delhi and did that leave me with a warm and fuzzy feeling of optimism? Hell, yes! But did that leave me a little confused too about his candidature for PM next year? I think so! Let me first talk about the reasons which left me buoyant about India’s future and then I shall proceed to my confusion.

First and foremost, what a masterstroke for choosing SRCC for his speech! Nation’s best college, the sharpest and brightest of minds and that too in the city of power- New Delhi. No rallies, no cheap political gimmick of giving away money or sarees to the aam aadmi and the aam aurat! No venomous speech against the present government, no name calling for the opponents; just pure account (which might sound boastful because it was SO good) of his body of work in the state of Gujarat. All he talked about what his government has achieved and what his vision for the Nation is. Focus! Single minded focus and he knows that he has targeted the right people for his lofty goals- the youth, not the wandering and unfocused ones but the ones with starry dreams of their own. Modi stroked the passions of his audience and that in my point of view was a masterstroke! Why delve into the present negativity, why pull down the competitors when you have a body of work to boast of, something that the ‘Prince of India’ can’t even dream of!

What I loved about Modi’s speech was his attitude, vision and an all inclusive model of growth. I am not well versed with facts of his work in Gujarat but whatever little I know of, I completely endorse it. He touched upon issues which have been plaguing the country for centuries now. He being a smart guy didn't touch upon corruption though! He seemed to respect the need to acknowledge the youth of this country and also the role of technology in the changing face of the world. Willing to endorse the change and to grab the opportunities it brings was the essence of his speech. He talked about reforms in police force, need for quality teachers and improving skills of the working population for better employability and if that was not upbeat enough, he had me at his mention of Swami Vivekananda and the concerns he voiced in his lifetime! It has always pained me to see India losing on the vast opportunities of branding itself in every sphere. There is no dearth of brains in this country neither do we lack money, natural resources, tourist places, etc. Why India has never been confident enough to brand itself as the best in the world. Why we still believe in mediocrity? And it was heartwarming to see Modi voice the same concern. His passion was contagious and that was one of the turning points that made me confused about his PM candidature too.

  

With every positive thought from and about him, I was haunted by the Gujarat riots of 2002. Has he redeemed himself or all this development just a way of burying and camouflaging his political blunder? Do I forget the blood bath then and focus on the many lives which have been improved through his work in Gujarat, now? From a spineless PM, would India move to an aggressive, sometimes arrogant and fundamentalist PM? That is when my mind asks me a question- Does India have a choice? Is it the case of devil and the deep sea? I agree, we need someone like Modi to jerk the nation out of the clout of negativity and to bring it back on the growth path; someone like him can hold against the land engulfing China but would he be able to handle this enormous power? Would he be able to remain grounded with the responsibility that this power will bring to him? As a citizen of this country, I dislike the constrained choices but with the ones I have, Modi seems to be a lesser flawed man though with the right vision…atleast for now.

The monk who changed my life

I got my first glimpse of the brilliance that was Swami Vivekananda when I was unable to memorise a test at school. “There was a young man in India who, while on a ship read a book just once and threw it in the ocean only to reproduce it exactly the way it was. He was Swami Vivekananda. He could memorise a whole book in one reading and you can’t even memorise one chapter in several!” my grandmother told the 8 year old me. Usually such comparisons either leave me fuming with anger or plain inadequate. This was the first time; I was awestruck by someone’s mental faculties. Those were not the days of Google and I imagined about this guy more than I could actually read up on him. I put the curiosity to the backburner all the while keeping him my inspiration whenever I prepared for my exams.

My curiosity was fanned again when four years later; I made a trip to Kanyakumari with my aunt’s family. The rock memorial in his name on an island was not just visually stunning with the waters of Indian Ocean, Bay of Bengal and the Arabian Sea merging, it was mentally stimulating too.  In front of me was a huge expanse of land that was my country and right at the back was the land’s beloved son surrounded by blue skies and bluer waters! In utter silence that defied the sounds of tourists and the sea alike, stood a tall statute of the great man in a hall. One look at his handsome self and I was awed and besotted! Such a handsome man became a monk? What prompted such an intelligent (don’t forget his photo-static memory!) to pursue monastic life? Its later I got to know that he entered Samadhi at an early age of 39. Who was he? A monk who pursued the absolute truth or a patriot who wanted to build a nation or a scholar who believed in value based education? And is it all possible to achieve and leave the world in just 39 years????!!! These questions along with his striking resemblance with my departed uncle held me captive.

I don’t remember how long I stayed glued near his statute staring at him but I knew I am not over with this monk yet. Life again made me put him at the back burner with its mundaneness. It’s after my graduation that I had a very tough time with my life that I happen to find a pocket book that my aunt had purchased at Kanyakumari for me. It seemed destiny brought him to me once again. It was a 4 inch, 50 page book and till now it is the most powerful thing that I could lay my hands on! All antidepressants would go out of the market if people could read just one quote from this powerhouse of a human!  His words are a booster dose of confidence, motivation and strength, all rolled into one! His logical mind and how he took his own time to accept his guru and his teachings appealed to the skeptic in me. His words helped me ward of negative feelings and inertia and I saw a new me all raring to face the world. It is after a point I could no longer hold his energy in my life that I had to let go of him. His aggression fanned mine and after a point made me restless beyond healthy. I wanted to change the world but lacked his patience and perseverance. It is then I knew he is a medicine which needs to be taken in small doses. J

3 years later, my brother gifted me his full works and once again he made an entry into my life. I have started reading him again recently because I need my medicine more than ever in my personal life and in coping with the negativity plaguing the country. This time I hope to chew his words slowly and apply the energy in a way that can help me contribute to change the world.

With love and gratitude for changing my life and opening a different dimension of the existence, I wish this great man a very Happy Birthday. All his life, he appealed to the youth of the country to build a progressive nation with its roots in tradition; if I am able to revive even a small percentage of his passion towards truth, nation and service, I’ll consider my life lived well. A very happy ‘Youth day’ to all; let’s arise, awake!

Love Always!